The things we do to distance ourselves from pain. I get it. If we experienced trauma to learn an important lesson, we can regain a sense of control.
“I’m a better person for it.”
“It made me stronger.”
Then there was some purpose to it all.
And maybe since you’ve learnt the lesson, some part of you believes that it protects you from it happening again.
Worse though is when this is the response you get when you tell your story.
“That’s why you shouldn’t have done that.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Other people don’t get to decide it was a lesson that you needed to learn. It doesn’t make it better or any less painful. Your trauma is valid. You didn’t experience trauma or violence to make you stronger or smarter or any different in anyway. It shouldn’t have happened to you. There is absolutely nothing you did or didn’t do to deserve this. You were hurt. And you are left alone to deal with the fallout.
Maybe you do find meaning or purpose in your experiences. You connect deeply to who you are and to other people. You recognize how we can always find our way back to wholeness even after extreme and senseless violence and pain breaks us into a million pieces.
Maybe now, having experienced this, you are profoundly inspired to push for a different world, a better world. We do learn so much about ourselves in our experiences. But also, know that it shouldn’t have happened.
This was not a lesson you needed to learn.
Life Scruples 