Stories, experiences and observations in the guidance of LIFE as journal entries, rhymes, and articles that explore the healing and creative power of words.
The things we do to distance ourselves from pain. I get it. If we experienced trauma to learn an important lesson, we can regain a sense of control.
“I’m a better person for it.”
“It made me stronger.”
Then there was some purpose to it all.
And maybe since you’ve learnt the lesson, some part of you believes that it protects you from it happening again.
Worse though is when this is the response you get when you tell your story.
“That’s why you shouldn’t have done that.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Other people don’t get to decide it was a lesson that you needed to learn. It doesn’t make it better or any less painful. Your trauma is valid. You didn’t experience trauma or violence to make you stronger or smarter or any different in anyway. It shouldn’t have happened to you. There is absolutely nothing you did or didn’t do to deserve this. You were hurt. And you are left alone to deal with the fallout.
Maybe you do find meaning or purpose in your experiences. You connect deeply to who you are and to other people. You recognize how we can always find our way back to wholeness even after extreme and senseless violence and pain breaks us into a million pieces.
Maybe now, having experienced this, you are profoundly inspired to push for a different world, a better world. We do learn so much about ourselves in our experiences. But also, know that it shouldn’t have happened.
Take your body to the place where your soul had been. That’s what I did and booked for my trek to Kedarkantha in Uttarkashi district of Uttarakhand, India. I didn’t have to tell myself, “I can do that”; I had to believe that it’s possible for me. The idea of traveling solo wasn’t easy in the least. Certainly not when I was en-route to the Himalayas. Firsts are difficult. And I had added risk, subzero temperatures, no mobile network connectivity, mental, emotional and physical endurance tests to my expedition; not to forget my motion and serpentine sickness! Overcoming my procrastination, and wanting to overcome my fears and limitations, I booked for the 26th January to 31st January trekking batch.
“Why would you do that?” -Because it’s worth it.
“It’s a big mistake! You’ll regret your decision.” -I cannot live in fear.
“You’re doing this with the wrong intention,”
-It doesn’t matter what you think. What matters is, ‘I am doing this for myself’. I am scared and I want to face my fears.
I knew I wasn’t a winner. I knew I wasn’t a loser. Then what type of a person was I? I kept thinking about it and understood that I was the type who didn’t know how to win. I couldn’t wait to learn. That’s when I heard my calling for the mountains, especially the Himalayas.
Trekking challenges more of your mental strength than your physical fitness. Kedarkantha trek is listed under the easy-to-moderate trek category. I, being a first time trekker, had to go for it because I was hungry- hungry to learn! I did my research and booked my trek with the ‘Himalayan High’ company. The way Suman (company’s representative) explained to me the challenges I would encounter and how I would be taught to overcome them, I was sure to look no further. I had hit rock bottom in my life and Suman’s explanation of the Kedarkantha trek itinerary made me believe that the trek would be my fall-on-the-back moment — that’s what I wanted. I wanted to fall on my back so that I could look up. I thought to myself, “if I learnt how to look up, I’d learn how to get up and win.” This six day trek itinerary involved everything I feared.
Fringed with pine trees and adorned with the beauty of snow, the Kedarkantha Peak is one of the most sought after snow-trekking destinations in the country. Situated at a height of 3,800 m above the sea level, the trek to this mountain pass in Uttarakhand offers various levels of challenges to the trekkers. Offering an enthralling trekking experience, Kedarkantha winter trek usually originate from Sankri; which can be easily reached from Dehradun and takes the trekkers through the immaculate beauty of the vicinity. From snow-capped Himalayan peaks to a frozen pond, meadows covered with snow to some of the other mesmerizing peaks, this trek offers all the marvels, a trekker can wish for! Not just for the trekkers, Kedarkantha winter trek is also an ideal trek for the nature lovers, shutterbugs and other classes of travelers as well. Within the 6 exciting days of this expedition, the trekkers are rewarded with magical views, exhilarating experiences and delightful moments!
– This description did help me push myself to go for the trek, while I was scared.
Firsts Are Difficult
Dehradun railway station was our meeting point, from where we had to drive up all the way through Mussoorie to reach Sankri village, our base camp for the trek. It all sounded regular. But, wait! We were to meet at Dehradun and take the serpentine belt to reach our first base camp. ‘Isn’t this difficult already?’, inquired my fearful heart. I had never been to Dehradun and I have serpentine sickness. That’s when I started being more disciplined about meditation. I knew I had to focus on my breath to overcome all my fears. Moreover, the picturesque photographs from the trek helped me gulp it all down uncomplaining-ly.
But wait! Before I walk you through my first trek experience, let me share this anecdote:
Ever since I completed my graduation I wanted to travel solo. That’s cool, right? For sure! But, traveling alone for me wasn’t just about deciding upon a safe destination and trustworthy tour agency. My parents had to let me. Yes! Traveling solo begins with convincing your parents that you can take care of their child- YOU! I, the procrastinator, needed a decade to decide and act.
Convincing my parents wasn’t just the only difficult first obstacle. I, myself, was to be convinced. It’s all hunky dory to know about life-changing experiences recorded in blogs/articles/vlogs by first time solo travelers after a trek or a solo travel but, what about the pre-travel experience? For me, I was experiencing fear before I boarded my flight to Delhi. Yes! It’s not always filled with excitement and enthusiasm and adventure for everyone. I had been supremely under confident, low-spirited, depressed and self-critiquing for more than 7 months before I kicked my own self to take the leap. What followed was fear. Rather, I was so encapsulated in fear that breathing heavily, too, ran a shiver down my spine. But, I wanted to breathe.
I wasn’t beaming in joy or excitement while booking my flights, bus seat, or my cab. In fact, I used to cry myself to sleep for a week before my travel. I was scared. What if I failed? What if what everyone thinks is the truth? What if I’m actually making a mistake? What if this decision brings in trouble, shame and stigma to not just me but my family too? What-ifs ensnared me and I found myself choking. And then, when I pushed myself out of the fear-deafening envelope and went shopping for my trek gears, I found myself rejoicing because I was getting motivated by the sales people at the Wildcraft and Decathlon stores. This time, shopping did become therapeutic with people sharing their solo traveling experiences and ensuring me that I’d be more than fine. Everyone had different motives behind deciding upon travelling solo. Me, too. How did I push myself? – you ask. Well, shopping needs no pushing!
I tutored myself and learnt the power of my breath. It helped. Sometimes, in fact always, all you need to do is breathe. That’s the form of living life you might not have ever discovered. I did and couldn’t be more joyous!
I started looking forward to the trek. I learnt how to pack a rucksack. I learnt what to carry on a trekking expedition. I learnt how to walk wearing trekking shoes. I kept learning. Happily, I took my last bath before my trek and set out for Delhi to meet my friends and spend the day with them only to board a 7-8 hrs long bus ride from Delhi to Dehradun at midnight.
Listening With The Heart
Friends who turned hosts and guardians for me in Delhi
Fear is not good while you travel alone. That’s how I messed up booking for my bus to Dehradun. On the 25th evening, I was sitting in a car in Delhi, amidst nowhere, realizing that I had no reservation for my travel to our pick-up point for the trek. I went numb. My friends jumped in to help. I saw them panicking as well as strategizing. They made several calls but, nothing! No tickets. It was the peak season so we knew I had no chance. Now what? What if my parents got to know about this? Wouldn’t they be like, “We told you! You can’t do this alone. We told you that you were wrong!”. Brushing this thought aside, I took a few deep breaths and then it hit me that I can reach out to Suman for help. When he heard my story of messing up the dates because of my inability in calculating the change of date post the 00 hrs digits flashed up on screen, he laughed. “Let me laugh at you before I help you.” Certainly, he did help. This time, my friend didn’t let me book it and did it herself. Hell yeah! That was my first falling-flat-on-my-face story of this expedition.
My Himalayan trek began even before I left home. My endurance test had begun even before I set foot on the icy slopes. My first loose ends moment was in Delhi. After I was observed as the not-so-confident and not-so-sure woman heading out on a trek alone, my friend had to advise me for my benefit. Well, it added to my fear. I started crying, again! This time, my tears weren’t soft sobs, it was a loud cry in public. Looking at the bus, I feared getting raped and killed. I know, I know, there was no logic to it! Hence, to console me, my friends took up the role of my guardians and sniffed around the bus. Right from checking the seat/berth I had booked, to finding out who else was on board the bus, to noting the bus driver’s contact number, to mapping me on Google maps so as to track me, to staying up all night to check upon my safety, they did it all. Picking up some eateries and candies for me, they handed me this gift with motivational words. They were so sweet and kind to me. I don’t have enough words to express my gratitude to them. They listened with the heart and it helped me breathe.
I wondered: is this how the summit unleashes my boundaries?
En-route To The Tipping Point
Kedarkantha is in Uttarakhand and is part of the mighty Himalayas. Uttarakhand as a state is just so beautiful. So, imagine how surreal Kedarkantha would be! I reached Dehradun and was Sankri bound the next day. Sankri, a small village, is about 6 hours of drive from Dehradun. This is where our trek had to begin. We started our journey to Sankri the next day morning. Since the trek was in a group, I met few folks with whom I was to travel. Beautiful Doon valley, snow-capped peaks, awesome paratha breakfast and chai at Mussoorie welcomed us.
Here’s what happened prior to my meeting with the team and our drive up the hill:
Thoughts! Oh, the bombarding thoughts! I was scared and went dizzy with visions from my past. This ghost was frightening and painful. On board the bus to Dehradun, all I thought about was making that one last goodbye call. What if I die tonight? What if I never get to say my goodbyes?… Think as hard as I would, decision was tough. Sleeping seemed an easier option. “They would understand if they tried to”, pacified my heart and I found silence. Next morning, I woke up to snowy hills.
I woke up with no network on my phone and fear in my heart. I was amidst nowhere. The bus seemed to be riding up a hill and it made my head bang with the cabin’s shutter when I tried to pull myself out so as to find the driver. I inquired. Okay! I haven’t reached Dehradun yet and he will call my name when we reach the drop point. The driver was a nice guy. He did as he promised. In fact, he arranged for an auto ride for me to the Dehradun railway station before he rode off to other passengers’ drop-off points. I couldn’t be more grateful.
A quick selfie inside the auto
Fear is not good for solo travelers. It made my limbs go weak with anxiety. I couldn’t lift my rucksack. I’m thankful to the auto driver who not only picked it for me without me hinting it, but also engaged in small talk with me noticing my fish-out-of-water state.
Puffy, dried with shedding of tears, and sleepless eyes met with an all men trek team with a feeble ‘hello’. Our route to Sankri took us to Mussoorie. And, I cannot but fail to mention the honeymoon-feels and picturesque locations this place offers.
The ‘Mummy Papa I’m fine pic’ at Mussoorie
Riding up the hill, all I kept telling myself was, “Breathe, just breathe! Ain’t it better than puking? So, breathe.”
Try as much as I could, I did end up puking. It seemed to me that the mountains were truly calling me and ensured my safe stay, probably that is what might have brought four medical students to my trek team. Not to forget Mr. Fossil aka Mr. Trekker who became my go-to guy during the trek. These men were kind enough to allow me to sit in the front seat learning about my serpentine sickness, and offer me water to wash off my puke, also medicine and some chocolates too!
The 4 MBBS students
Sleepless, dehydrated, nervous, anxious and fearful, I could barely keep my eyes open for the rest of the drive. It was when the engine stopped and the car jerked that I realized that our car had got stuck at a point due to heavy snow on the road. I found myself sitting alone in the car with others dancing in the snowfall outside and clicking pictures. I smiled and wanted to go out but couldn’t. Something within me was to be allowed to rest.
My fearful and broken heart seemed to have initiated the healing process the moment I set foot at Sankri- our base camp. My lonely eyes wanted to locate the P.C.O.- the medium, that had made me feel special a year back and was my reason to visit Sankri, but, the mind’s silence desired otherwise.
Himalayan High Lodge at Sankri Base Camp for Kedarkantha Trek
At dinner, I could get an opportunity to speak to the entire team. Food brings people closer! Happily filling our tiffin boxes with the tastiest and high in carbs vegetarian food, prepared by the Himalayan High team, we were intimated about our trekking expedition. The very thought, ‘wash your own plates/tiffin boxes because why should one person do the dishes when its sub-zero temperature’, touched my heart. It made us all humble. Weather conditions made life difficult at such high altitude. No electricity, frozen water pipes, limited drinking water (read ice water), no bonfire, no mobile network, and no room service, only brought us eight trekkers and the Himalayan High team closer.
Being the only female in the team as well as at the lodge, Himanshu, Himalayan High’s Sankri base camp manager, offered me a private room. I appreciated his gesture and applauded his hospitality. But, I needed to huddle like the penguins as it was freezing cold, somewhat below 0°, so I requested if I could share the room with the boys. In response, I heard a chorus: we’ll co-operate. It was settled. For the very first time in my life, I was to spend the night inside a bedroom, with not just one but three men who were total strangers! Icy cold wind jitters eradicated my alone girl among men inside one room jitters.
I wondered: is this how the summit unleashes my boundaries?
Surrendering To Nature
Day 2 made us all realize that we didn’t need warmth, nightwear, or any other facilities to sleep. We needed to be worked out enough to sleep, and also to not to take note of sleeping in the dark or without heaters.
The guest house/lodge was a cozy little place and the first view that I got to see from here was that of the Swargarohini mountain. As beautiful as you can imagine it to be, this was my first moment of finding some peace within.
Here’s what happened on Day 2 of my trek:
The Himalayan High team served us ginger water and liquor tea in the morning to help us maintain our body heat. After a heavy, rich in carbs and fats breakfast (best to survive in subzero temperatures), we were addressed by Himanshu with the itinerary ahead. He informed us about the severe change in the weather that had broken all 11-12 year records, and that it was dangerous for us to head for the summit. So, he suggested that we hike through the areas that were permissible under the forest department’s list of risk free zones. We agreed and set out for Jakhol.
Located at a distance of 19 kms from Netwar, the entry gate to Govind National Park, Jakhol Village lies in the Mori block of Uttarkashi district of Uttarakhand. A picturesque hamlet surrounded by the Garhwal Himalayas, Jakhol village will make your heart stop a beat.
We were told that Jakhol was the largest village in the region, and was rich in cultural heritage and age-old traditions. This information got me excited. I was looking forward to seeing the wooden carved houses surrounded by rugged terrain. I also wished to visit the famous ‘Duryodhan temple’, dedicated to the eldest of the Kauravas. But, we went to the ‘Someshwar Mahadev temple’ instead; the festive spot for the locals on the following day to our visit.
Someshwar Mahadev temple shrineGong at the Someshwar Mahadev templeCould this be more picturesque? I guess not. The Someshwar Mahadev temple looked surreal while it snowed.
The rugged terrain, nonstop and heavy snowfall made our hike challenging. Dashing through the snow for more than 3 hours, I realized that I was experiencing immense pleasure and I found it to be a privilege to be witnessing snowfall for the first time in my life. Himanshu turned out to be good company with his life stories making it easier for me to tread on. It amazed me to have known that he, being a software engineer left his high paying job of eight years, and chose to become a professional trekker. Certainly, nothing else matters when one finds one’s true calling.
Mr. Himanshu
Himanshu’s hospitality speaks volumes about the lesson one learns from the mountains: Humility and Humanity. Ever smiling, ever courteous, Himanshu knows just the right ways of winning anyone over. I will always cherish the star gazing night when I was accompanied by Sanjay and Himanshu, with Himanshu showing us different constellations and reminding me that, certain things are only to be experienced and not captured in a camera.
Himanshu isn’t just good at his job, he has the Indian culture of being a good host imprinted on his soul. Yes, that’s right! That’s why you’ll find him waking up before you do, in the middle of the night, and walking down the rainy road only to bid you farewell.
–
Jakhol experience cannot be done justice with just a few words or pictures or videos. You’ve got to visit yourself, eat with the locals at their home, just the way we did, to experience the magic that this village enthralls one in.
Red rice for lunch and a dragon performance by one of the medical students at the bonfire at Jakhol, initiated the friendly process of nick-naming. Yes, we were pushing out of the strangers envelope and entering the friends zone to have nicknamed one of our teammates as ‘Dragon’. It befit him. He ensured that the wet sticks of wood didn’t douse the fire, that too, with his breath. Yes! You read that right. His oxygen supply to this bonfire helped us with the little bit of warmth, for us to brave another three hours of hike back to the lodge at Sankri.
At days end, I was too tired to even go downstairs for dinner. Now when I think of it, I’m reminded of the genuine concern of the team when one of the cooks aka local aka trekking professional came calling to my room, not once but twice. Yes, there was no room service but, there was hospitality. “Ma’am, please have your dinner. You’re to trek for Juda Ka Talab tomorrow. You need energy. Please eat something.” I smiled and thanked him. He left after all I asked for, that night, was a bucket of water in the toilet. I was surprised at myself for being more grateful at receiving some water instead of a luxurious buffet. I didn’t need food for myself but, I was happy with arranging for some water in the toilet for us. I waited for my roommates to return and only after wishing them ‘Good night!’, did I sleep.
Though his face is not visible in this picture, I had to share this.
– In that brief encounter with this man, I re-learnt the lesson of belonging-ness, service, and community spirit. Before his arrival, my mind was about to get clogged with thoughts of my painful past. His kindness brushed aside all my sad thoughts. My grief reservoir gave way to joy when I could wish ‘Good night!’ to my roommates. Though, I couldn’t speak to my family due to no network connectivity, but, it seemed I was amidst one. Alone but not lonely.
I wondered: is this how the summit unleashes my boundaries?
At Moon Rise And Onwards
Day 3 :
Jakhol experience was an overwhelming one. Emotions I didn’t know I could feel, found root in me. At a very slow pace, I was preparing myself to outgrow my fear of socializing (that I had developed in the past 7-8 months- very unlike the usual me), and I found myself looking forward to meeting the second/new team that had arrived and was to trek with us to Juda Ka Talab – our first camping site before we could make it to the summit.
Juda Ka Talab is a high altitude lake that trekkers come across Kedarkantha trek in the Uttarkashi district of Uttarakhand. This lake is situated at an altitude of 2,700 meters above sea level and is a mesmerizing site that offers scenic Himalayan landscapes. It also acts as a camping ground for trekkers attempting Kedarkantha summit (3,800 meters). The lake is frozen completely during the winter (when I visited). It is believed that Lord Shiva once opened his locks of hair a little. The water dropped from the hair and formed this lake. Another story states, this lake has a twin lake, hence is named after that.
Juda Ka Talab is located 4 kms ahead of Sankri village. There is no motor-able road to reach this lake and one has no other option but to trek. The trekking trail from Sankri village to Juda Ka Talab takes one through lush green forest with countless pine trees. For us, the trail offered the most ecstatic sight of snow laden pine trees with nothing but icy-white colour contouring the otherwise lush green forest.
Our tents amidst 4/5 feet of snowJuda Ka Talab base camp
“Now that there are other girls in our group, you wouldn’t talk to us, will you?”, smirked Sanjay.
“She’s got to be comfortable with them to even think so.”, retorted Praveen ji.
Yes, now there were two more girls. They came with this new team that we were to trek with. Socializing, again, with five more strangers seemed challenging. Their openness made it easy. If not for those two girls, I would have had to request some guys to share their tents with me or sleep alone inside one and probably kill myself as the temperature dropped to -9° Celsius and below in the night.
I wouldn’t have slept alone for sure. That was something I was quite certain about. The boys didn’t have to co-operate again with the sleeping arrangements.
–
All along the way until Juda Ka Talab, it was only ascend. This is where fitness comes into play. Ten mins into the ascend, you can already feel that you are out of breath, feel the weight of your backpack, would want to rest, your legs will start to cry and you start thinking if this is how it’s going to be, given that you still have 4 hours ahead of you! And it’s ascending all the way! No flat path to walk at all. Though it was our second day in the region, in reality, it was our trek’s first day. First day of the trek can be difficult because you are still getting used to the terrains, getting acclimatized and understanding your body too. This is how it was for me as well. I thought this was not going to end. I was waiting so eagerly for every single break that we could get – be it filling the water bottles from the streams, stopping at tea points or breaks in general. I was one of the last few to reach Juda Ka Talab base camp. It was only after two hours that I really started to enjoy my surroundings.
Like I mentioned above, the trek from Sankri to Juda ka Talab base camp is steep. I wouldn’t have been able to reach to our camping site had it not been for this man in the picture below who carried my rucksack. Offloading alone wasn’t helping so he used some childish tricks to make me continue and finish the climb without breaks or pauses. Observing my tiredness and breathlessness, he tried to ease me with some local songs. He tugged on – not leaving my side even when the rest of the team was not in our vicinity – a sight enough for me to get demotivated and even more lethargic. This man saw it otherwise and used it for my benefit:
“The maggie point is only a 100 meters away, where your teammates are waiting for you.”
– Is it only a 100 meters away? Will I get to eat maggie there?
“Yes. There’s tea, bun and omlet too.”
– I am a vegetarian. I just want maggie.
“Ok. Let’s continue with our climb to the maggie point. You’ll get to eat whatever you want to.”
– What if there’s none left?
Food was motivation enough for me to reach the maggie point. I’m unabashedly a gluten.
He kept luring me with food beyond the maggie point too. He told me about the tea point ahead. Once we reached there, I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears. The man at the tea point was playing a flute while making tea for everyone. Amidst snow clad mountains and at such a high altitude, flute music filled-in like air in our lungs.
From the tea point to the Juda ka Talab base camp, Rakesh accompanied me. He too had some stories to share. This time, his stories helped me finish the trek distance for the day.
Rakesh -The Trek Leader
Rakesh, first a sportsman, then an assistant to a Psychologist, never really felt one with the plain and regular life in the plains of Mumbai. With some tricks up his sleeve, he managed to get away from the usual job related questions of his parents and became a professional Trekker. It seems to me that his passion is now well accepted by his parents. The only thing I couldn’t figure out was his addressing me as ‘Jyotsana’. Probably I reminded him of his long lost love.
This asymmetrical-hairstyle-guy was fun to be around. He was my photographer, my story teller, my trek leader, guide and also a teacher- a teacher who taught me how to let my unwashed (read: unwashed for a week) hair down and pose.
I’ll be ever grateful to him for helping me find my lost smile. In the little time I got to know him, he seemed to be an Observant, who never missed the littlest of details about a person. Though he addressed me as Ma’am (apart from Jyotsana), he was the ‘Sir’ who taught this Tomboy how to pose like a girl. I’ve got proof:
Upon reaching Juda ka Talab base camp, we were excited and felt immensely privileged to have chosen Himalayan High as our Trek team. We were the only team among the many hundreds waiting at Sankri to have made it to this base camp. This climb and stay was made possible by the Himalayan High team. This is how we were welcomed:
[Tip: If you are reading this article and are dreaming about your first trek or planning your next, please do embrace the cold and step outside of your tent in the night to capture a mental picture of the sky that would be lit with stars and the promise of a moon rise and an onward beautiful journey.]
The Superheroes who made Juda Ka Talab stay possible
Dinner was special. Bonfire and some stories- just perfect! The highlight: the dessert: gajar ka halwa – prepared by the cook and served with such a sweet smile that can give all the Halwais a run for their money. Everything was so surreal. I was pleasantly surprised and amazed at the dinner spread. I must mention: when I found myself happily filling my box with a second serving of rice, I realized that I hadn’t had breads or Chapatis – something that I never do. Not to forget, we all were congratulated with such a taste-buds-tickling-and-finger-licking-good-food for having accomplished our first goal of the Kedarkantha Trek.
Cozily adjusting with two girls, I slept inside the sleeping bag with the mattress underneath offering a constant reminder of the snow that was ground for the tents we were in. Saying a silent prayer of gratitude and remembering my family and friends, I slept in the hope that I would survive the cold that night.
I wondered: is this how the summit unleashes my boundaries?
Living The Magic
Day 4:
Smearing as much sunscreen as we could, we all geared up for our ascend to Juda Ka Talab. The ascend from Juda Ka Talab base camp to Juda Ka Talab is about 1 hr long. As we were the only team who were making the climb in such harsh conditions, we had to cut through the snow to make a path for our climb. Now that’s a tough task! All the men stepped up for us three girls to follow their lead once the path was cut out.
Juda Ka Talab is at 8858 ft and this is where you will get a lake that is frozen. The lake was completely frozen when we reached here. After spending a night here, I can say that the place truly felt out of the world. This was nothing like I had seen before or experienced before. Call it magical land, if you will. Yes, I was Living The Magic!
Snow fights, poses for photographs, endless laughter followed. Our dogie friend, whom we named as Chhavni, was running around like there was no tomorrow. Chhavni, the lion-looking dog was happy. You could just feel the happiness. Happiness is contagious!
Chhavni
Yes, I could feel the joy and the happiness. I was smiling with a happy heart. I could see happy faces all around. One moment Praveen ji was posing for a photograph and the other I found him lying on the snow and playing with it. Snow was his friend and his play mate. I laughed. Just when I was laughing watching him do what he was doing, a snow ball came flying through and hit me. This initiated a never ending snow fight. By the time we decided to descend, we all were looking like the snow man.
The Team I belonged toUnion of two teams
I somehow knew that the descend wouldn’t be snow-fight free. Hence, the water repellent pants were on! At various points, all we did was fight – a snow fight!
Oh, the descend! It was a wonderland. I felt like a child again. The snowy slopes became our slides. We covered the 4-5 hr long distance in just half the time. This time I led the pack. I was the first one to slide. Post my first slide, Rakesh caught hold of my trekking pole and became my tug. We both held onto the pole with him running like the snow-horse and I sliding down like a sleigh. The rest of the team followed. Ah! This descend was so much fun!
I got my own saying: “Descends are beautiful. Remember to slide and enjoy the ride.”
Back to our Sankri base camp, we knew our trek had come to an end with us not being able to make it to the summit. We weren’t much disturbed with this. How could we? We had lived the magical experience and we wanted to keep relishing it.
That night was special. After dinner, when we came back to our room, it was a laughter riot! It begun with Amit aka Mr. Fossil aka Mr. Trekker playing some songs for us and Sanjay and Praveen ji sharing some of their life stories. Sanjay’s funny ghost stories made me peep out of my quilt and witness Amit’s hysterical laughter. Praveen ji was up next. His stories of his experience at the game of love and Amit’s constant commentary at every new chapter of Praveen ji’s story, had me into splits. The room was echoing in laughter. There was something magical about Day 4 and Night 4 of this trek. Four people inside the room of that lodge connected over life stories and bonded with laughter. That night was magical!
That night, while going to bed, I knew we wouldn’t be making to the summit. Yet, I wondered: is this how the summit unleashes my boundaries?
Of New Friendships & New Beginnings
Day 5:
Next morning I woke up to silent conversations in front of the Swargarohini. What a beauty! Magnanimous! Standing Lilliput tall in front of her, I realized that all that I had been fearing and was worried about had started to cease. I was smiling at the voice I heard that said, “There are two types of mountaineers: one who visit the mountains, and another whom the mountain calls.” I knew which one was I.
With moistened eyes and shining smile, I went down with my room mates for breakfast. After breakfast, we bid our farewell to the second batch of trekkers who had joined us on our trek to Juda Ka Talab. Me and my team stayed. Himanshu planned our hike for the day and even arranged for our travel back to Dehradun the next morning. We were to hike to Saur village in Dunda Tehsil of Uttarkashi district in Uttarakhand. This was new! Himanshu informed us of a cave of smoke that we would try to reach in our hike.
Everything was so new and exciting! We had planned for a trek to Kedarkantha but, everyday we were made to plan our activities and destinations. Submitting to Nature brings in pleasant surprises!
We hiked to our destination and could only come back in the evening. I was feeling very relaxed and comfortable with these yesterday’s strangers and today’s new friends. Harsh, one of the MBBS students among the four, offered to carry my knapsack. This initiated our first ever exchange of words. I’ll always remember how he taught me to pose, how he yelled out to the one who hit me with a snow ball and how his hunger made him reach Sankri lodge 30-40 minutes before the rest of us could. Sweet chap!
All smiles with Harsh
Rakesh’s stories and observations of people continued. Amit and Rakesh helped me a lot to reach to the cave of smoke, where a rishi (saint/monk) had did ‘tapasya’ and ‘aradhana’ in the ancient times. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the name of this cave and nor do I have a picture to share as I couldn’t reach to the point from where this cave is visible. It is believed that in the ancient times a rishi had found this cave in an intrusion on the slope of the mountain.
Beyond this point I wasn’t willing to hike any further. This picture speaks of the friends who waited for me and tried convincing me to continue with the hike.Friends’ convincing power worked!Happy faces!
Stories, oh the endless stories! This day was filled with story-telling. I was such a happy listener. That night, I made a friend. The only one, apart from me, who wasn’t conversing much and was more quiet than the silence outside, started talking to me. I slept with a complement: “Its been years that I haven’t had such a conversation with anyone!”. Something in me wanted to come out, to share, to vent my pain. I couldn’t. Rather, I didn’t feel the need to.
“You all are a team. You do things together.”, this motto made us all wake up at 3 a.m. because I had a flight to catch from Dehradun.
Day 5/Night 5 had no night for me. It was an experience. I could feel every muscle, every nerve in my body. I could hear my heartbeats. I could feel my conscious breath. I had found joy. Yes! After some losses that changed my life’s trajectory and the course of it’s history, I found joy. My reservoir of sadness gave way to joy.
Under the starlit sky, I had opened my arms to ask for all my wants to cease so that all my needs are fulfilled. This night’s closure seemed to have opened up my path of fulfillment of my needs.
This time, I believed: this is how the summit unleashes my boundaries.
Unleashed!
Every noise, each painful memory seemed to have ceased. I wouldn’t share my experiences from Day 6: our last day of the trek, because somethings have no endings. This trek experience – my first trek and my first solo trip, was an EXPERIENCE – to which I wish not an ending but a conclusion.
Everything ceases to bother you the moment you can feel your breath inflating your lungs – yes, the moment you realize that you are alive, you have arrived! I’m not saying your problems would no longer make its presence felt. I’m not assuring that people would stop being judgemental and insulting. I’m not saying that life is going to be easy. Life is hard. And we are to fight it hard. What am I saying? – Stop procrastinating! Stop hitting the snooze button! Stop waiting for someone to come and rescue you! It’s you. You are your own rescue. If you still don’t understand what I am trying to tell you, go and take that trip you always wanted to – the one you’ve dreamt about – the one where your soul had been.
There isn’t any place to find peace. But, the mountains help you silence the noise within. Go. Go now. Let the summit unleash your boundaries.
How often do we wait and ponder upon the definition of a relationship?
How often do we set out to redefine a relationship lived for years?
How often do we find a soul with whom you can be okay to be not okay?
How often do we get excited at the very thought of there being a someone?
Could you say: ‘often’? Well, let me say: ‘there’s that one magical moment’
Wondering if I’m to churn out a romance or an unrequited love story? Honestly, I’m not going to write about any particular love story between two people that were very romantic. I’m to celebrate a relationship that I’ve cherished since inception. Yes, there are hugs, kisses, numerous tea sips with tiny eyes that crouch under the sun; there are gossips, there are long distances, there are apologies, there are winks; there has been warm hand holdings; there has been all the mushy talks; glow-y evenings with shaded rickshaw rides; sense of urgency to say it all; side-by-side maneuvering the lanes and by-lanes; movies; there’s so much more! There’s life! Two hearts that can skip a beat for the other.
Yes, this is what it’s all about. There’s celebration only with mere mention.
Wondering whether it’s seriously not a romantic narrative?
Could there be any less a romance than this?
Welcome! Welcome, to the world of Roars!
The Prince didn’t see his Princess right across the hall in this one, but, there was a call that required a location. A haven. Once sought, provided and settled into, the car called relationship lost the spoiler- reverse gear.
Two lionesses found solace in the other. They weren’t Wolves to stick together, they were the Queens that belonged in their own Kingdom; to unite when needed and Roar the strength back in the void that never was created for another to fill in.
The tree of their relationship grew upon the roots of love, belonging-ness, friendship, companionship, togetherness, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, encouragement, denunciation of the evil, and support for the stems to grow soaking in positive criticism.
The bond that never underwent any demands or complaints.
The bond that was and is about the connect that’s magical.
Yes, this is the bond that still Roars with pride and love to foster any complaints or ill feelings.
….
She asked me to criticize her and I think I’ve done no justice to her desire. I listened to the voice within that spoke with a fleeting tongue and could scrabble only–just–the feel!
-How comfortable are you to TALK about your dreams?
-Do you appreciate those who have achieved it already?
Dreams are personal. So are the Obstacles. If you are not comfortable talking about your dream with conviction, you are fearing failure. Failure is inevitable. So is winning. What you water would flower. Are your dreams the Present you live or fears? I say, have an Eagles mentality. Be courageous to talk about your dreams. Live it in advance. Don’t chicken out fearing you would look unrealistic wanting to live your dreams.
I often come across people who would never compliment others-the Eagles. When they find someone way ahead of others in accomplishments, people with a Chickens mentality would often find faults in them. They wouldn’t get in touch with the successful or appreciate their methods as they’re filled with jealousy. I say, be an Eagle. Go and compliment them. Learn from them. If you’re genuine in your compliments, soon you’ll soar higher.
Sometimes people think the Eagle-the successful is out of league for them to approach. Reach out anyhow and turn it into a favoured connection for you to grow.
Humans are special. We have a mind that can imagine. With imagination we can, without moving, travel through space and time, conjure up situations that do not exist in reality. It is what separates humanity from the rest of nature. The male and female, both see world differently. Not because we have different bodies, but because we have different minds. But, our minds can expand. How? By seeing the world from the other’s point of view.
This can be achieved through humility. HUMILITY BRINGS OBEDIENCE. Animals fight to defend their bodies. Humans curse to defend their imagination of themselves. This imagined notion of who we are, and how others are supposed to see us, is called aham, ego. Aham constantly seeks validation from the external world. Valuing your own self without seeking validation helps being humble. This helps you obey and respect the other as you see the world as it is. This helps you grow and improve your relationships.
At 9 yrs of age, I found my feet around the kitchen: peeling, cutting, churning, pickling, steaming, roasting, frying, pounding, mixing, kneading, experiencing various textures, aromas, flavours and chemistry. My senses became familiar with the secret of spices, and every kind of nourishment provided by the plant. This was due to my obedience to my mother.
From a toddler to a teenager, I found myself first clinging on to my father’s shoulders, then seated on his lap, and finally following him around, observing him engage with hundreds of clients. I learnt how to strike a conversation with professionals, market, advertise, bargain, buy, sell, make a deal, be an expert, and have a positive mindset. This was due to my obedience to my father.
Now, I know the kitchen world of my mother and the business world of my father. This is how the mind expands. I’m not only a seeker of wisdom but, a transmitter of wisdom too. Today, I’m a homemaker as well as a working professional.
All I had to do was to learn to be humble so as to learn to obey. This was possible only because my parents encouraged me, glorified my potentials without critiquing me often. They sought to methods where I would respond and not react. I saw them practice humility and I had only to follow their methods.
I saw and am living both the worlds as I’m trained to see from the other’s point of view. I’m a Psychologist now and I believe I’ve expanded my mind.
For decades now, we’ve become the fallout generation.
Falling out of jobs, relationships, marriage, career paths, etc.
WHY?
Ever since the colonial times, humans have felt under siege, forced to explain themselves using specific templates, make ideas, beliefs and opinions more tangible, more concrete, more structured, more homogeneous, more historical, more geographical, less psychological, less emotional, to render oneself as the MASTERS of the world.
Result? Rise of ‘options strategies’ Consequence? Rise of a FALLOUT generation.
The fallout of this pressure is the need to locate matters of faith in a particular spot. The timeless thus becomes timebound and the universal becomes particular . What used to once be a matter of faith becomes an egoistical war zone where courts now have to intervene.
What am I talking about? Relationships. Disturbance in this area lends tremors EVERYWHERE else!
With the rise and availability of options people have become fearless to be a fallout. Resulting in loneliness , depression and anxiety.
Everyone wants to be right in a world where adjustment, allowance, accommodation and affection are seen as signs of weakness, even manipulation!
What should be done? Learn to let go. DROP the options.
It’s been a while, you’ve clouded your thoughts with the NEW, brushing aside any disturbing memory that waves a ‘hello!’ in your dreams or moments that seem to be cloaked in the robes you’ve discarded, and you think you are ready for a NEW beginning
That’s what looked radical, right? Then why are you dead at 25 to be buried at 65?
Most people let their dreams die a young death and have a funeral at an old age. They choose to hurriedly move past a heartbreaking event fearing pain and jump to the NEW to fill in their timelines.
Result: failure. I say, “Be a failure NOT a loser.”
Be attentive to the demons from your past for it to not lurk in your present. It is when you put in the effort to sort out these demons that you embark upon a PROMISING new beginning.
Seek professional help. Friends and family are MOSTLY in sync with what you say. So, get an unbiased opinion.
Time heals. Yes. But, if you wait too long, it’ll be a tragedy. If you move on too quickly, it’ll be disastrous. An expert can help you remain mobile and equip you with tools to not just be at peace with your past but even help you sort it out!
DON’T drag ahead/move on. March forth with expectancy.
We need guidance & training today more than ever before! We live in times where nobody is anybody’s. But, you MUST find a #mentor When you continue to do the right thing with a desire and receptiveness in your heart to improve–you’ll receive heavenly guidance.
These are times where we see around us marriages crumbling, relationships getting bitter, bankruptcy, joblessness and diseases on the swell. Why? How is it that our ancestors could make it happen but we cannot? I repeat, “Success leaves clues. FOLLOW!”. If you are finding yourself in a mess, follow the footsteps of those who have succeeded.
If I asked you, ‘Do you want to succeed?’, you would roar a YES. My follow up question, ‘Do you EXPECT to succeed?’ and your lips are sealed. What is it that you are doing RIGHT to expect success ? Expect success in order to succeed.
Readers, I appeal to you to not measure your success with the abundance in your bank account alone. If you are living healthy, with an assurance that NEVER AGAIN will money be a problem, with you continuing to have MORE goals and you have MADE a family–you ARE successful!
DON’T just be grateful be fearless to ASK for the fullness of your destiny. Then work to achieve it.
Life is like a suspense thriller movie–the end to which we all want to know but wish not to be told before it’s time. It spoils the fun, doesn’t it? You enjoy the expectancy. To be in the swing of unraveling events and thumping your fists when wrong and kicking your heels with a fist launch in the air when right.
What am I saying? Well, each day, when you wake up, you can expect to get the deal you’ve been working on, the job you’ve interviewed for, meeting the right person, the healing to start….
You might say, ‘Ruchi, but I’m not sure if it could happen. I’ve been suffering for years and don’t see myself cured; I’ve been rejected 30 times; my husband abandoned me;…’
I’d like you to expect anyhow! I’m not asking you to be positive I’m asking you to enhance the quality of your life. Go out there and continue to do the right thing! Expect that today is the day when you would be answered. Today is YOUR DAY!
Uncertainties is Life’s thriller plot for you to enjoy. Try not figuring it out. It’s not always about being positive. Just don’t be tired of doing the right thing. Enhance the quality of your life for it to unfold something worthy.
Replace SORRY with THANK YOU to change how the world looks at you.
Words have power. The more you apologize (like ALL the time for anything and everything) the more you gaslight yourself. – A lesson I’m greatful I’ve learnt without further delay.
Even after leaving for a meeting way before I should, I got delayed by 15 mins. How bad could that be? Well, if you’ve got only 30 mins to make a pitch, you know how ugly it is!
Instead of losing my nerve (like I would in the past); on my way, I started thinking about the power of gratitude- that I could put to use to deal with the situation.
“You were expected here at 12”, came a piercing arrow like reply to my ‘Good Afternoon’ greetings.
“Thank you for waiting for me!”, I smiled.
The official, too, now, smiled back. The cabin felt more comfortable and the official more welcoming.
Had I apologized, I would have given her the allowance to believe that I’m not punctual and this one negative impact would have made her lose the interest my proposal had generated before my arrival.
These two words, ‘Thank You’, made an affirmative impact on her to help me deliver well and come out with a successful deal.
Well, ‘Thank You’ alone isn’t enough to help you succeed. But, a feeling of gratitude can certainly help.
Life Scruples 