You Don’t Need To Find A Lesson In Your Trauma.

The things we do to distance ourselves from pain. I get it. If we experienced trauma to learn an important lesson, we can regain a sense of control.

“I’m a better person for it.”

“It made me stronger.”

Then there was some purpose to it all.

And maybe since you’ve learnt the lesson, some part of you believes that it protects you from it happening again.

Worse though is when this is the response you get when you tell your story.

“That’s why you shouldn’t have done that.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

Other people don’t get to decide it was a lesson that you needed to learn. It doesn’t make it better or any less painful. Your trauma is valid. You didn’t experience trauma or violence to make you stronger or smarter or any different in anyway. It shouldn’t have happened to you. There is absolutely nothing you did or didn’t do to deserve this. You were hurt. And you are left alone to deal with the fallout.

Maybe you do find meaning or purpose in your experiences. You connect deeply to who you are and to other people. You recognize how we can always find our way back to wholeness even after extreme and senseless violence and pain breaks us into a million pieces.

Maybe now, having experienced this, you are profoundly inspired to push for a different world, a better world. We do learn so much about ourselves in our experiences. But also, know that it shouldn’t have happened.

This was not a lesson you needed to learn.

Have an Eagles mentality. Not a Chickens!

-How comfortable are you to TALK about your dreams?

-Do you appreciate those who have achieved it already?

Dreams are personal. So are the Obstacles. If you are not comfortable talking about your dream with conviction, you are fearing failure. Failure is inevitable. So is winning. What you water would flower. Are your dreams the Present you live or fears? I say, have an Eagles mentality. Be courageous to talk about your dreams. Live it in advance. Don’t chicken out fearing you would look unrealistic wanting to live your dreams.

I often come across people who would never compliment others-the Eagles. When they find someone way ahead of others in accomplishments, people with a Chickens mentality would often find faults in them. They wouldn’t get in touch with the successful or appreciate their methods as they’re filled with jealousy. I say, be an Eagle. Go and compliment them. Learn from them. If you’re genuine in your compliments, soon you’ll soar higher.

Sometimes people think the Eagle-the successful is out of league for them to approach. Reach out anyhow and turn it into a favoured connection for you to grow.

Expand Your Mind

Humans are special. We have a mind that can imagine. With imagination we can, without moving, travel through space and time, conjure up situations that do not exist in reality. It is what separates humanity from the rest of nature. The male and female, both see world differently. Not because we have different bodies, but because we have different minds. But, our minds can expand. How? By seeing the world from the other’s point of view.

This can be achieved through humility. HUMILITY BRINGS OBEDIENCE. Animals fight to defend their bodies. Humans curse to defend their imagination of themselves. This imagined notion of who we are, and how others are supposed to see us, is called aham, ego. Aham constantly seeks validation from the external world. Valuing your own self without seeking validation helps being humble. This helps you obey and respect the other as you see the world as it is. This helps you grow and improve your relationships.

At 9 yrs of age, I found my feet around the kitchen: peeling, cutting, churning, pickling, steaming, roasting, frying, pounding, mixing, kneading, experiencing various textures, aromas, flavours and chemistry. My senses became familiar with the secret of spices, and every kind of nourishment provided by the plant. This was due to my obedience to my mother.

From a toddler to a teenager, I found myself first clinging on to my father’s shoulders, then seated on his lap, and finally following him around, observing him engage with hundreds of clients. I learnt how to strike a conversation with professionals, market, advertise, bargain, buy, sell, make a deal, be an expert, and have a positive mindset. This was due to my obedience to my father.

Now, I know the kitchen world of my mother and the business world of my father. This is how the mind expands. I’m not only a seeker of wisdom but, a transmitter of wisdom too. Today, I’m a homemaker as well as a working professional.

All I had to do was to learn to be humble so as to learn to obey. This was possible only because my parents encouraged me, glorified my potentials without critiquing me often. They sought to methods where I would respond and not react. I saw them practice humility and I had only to follow their methods.

I saw and am living both the worlds as I’m trained to see from the other’s point of view. I’m a Psychologist now and I believe I’ve expanded my mind.

Cut the OPTIONS out! PLEASE.

For decades now, we’ve become the fallout generation.
Falling out of jobs, relationships, marriage, career paths, etc.

WHY?

Ever since the colonial times, humans have felt under siege, forced to explain themselves using specific templates, make ideas, beliefs and opinions more tangible, more concrete, more structured, more homogeneous, more historical, more geographical, less psychological, less emotional, to render oneself as the MASTERS of the world.

Result? Rise of ‘options strategies’ Consequence? Rise of a FALLOUT generation.

The fallout of this pressure is the need to locate matters of faith in a particular spot. The timeless thus becomes timebound and the universal becomes particular . What used to once be a matter of faith becomes an egoistical war zone where courts now have to intervene.

What am I talking about? Relationships. Disturbance in this area lends tremors EVERYWHERE else!

With the rise and availability of options people have become fearless to be a fallout. Resulting in loneliness , depression and anxiety.

Everyone wants to be right in a world where adjustment, allowance, accommodation and affection are seen as signs of weakness, even manipulation!

What should be done? Learn to let go. DROP the options.

Sort out the DEMONS from your past before BEGINNING.

It’s been a while, you’ve clouded your thoughts with the NEW, brushing aside any disturbing memory that waves a ‘hello!’ in your dreams or moments that seem to be cloaked in the robes you’ve discarded, and you think you are ready for a NEW beginning

That’s what looked radical, right? Then why are you dead at 25 to be buried at 65?

Most people let their dreams die a young death and have a funeral at an old age. They choose to hurriedly move past a heartbreaking event fearing pain and jump to the NEW to fill in their timelines.

Result: failure. I say, “Be a failure NOT a loser.”

Be attentive to the demons from your past for it to not lurk in your present. It is when you put in the effort to sort out these demons that you embark upon a PROMISING new beginning.

Seek professional help. Friends and family are MOSTLY in sync with what you say. So, get an unbiased opinion.

Time heals. Yes. But, if you wait too long, it’ll be a tragedy. If you move on too quickly, it’ll be disastrous. An expert can help you remain mobile and equip you with tools to not just be at peace with your past but even help you sort it out!

DON’T drag ahead/move on. March forth with expectancy.

Success leaves CLUES. Follow!

Success leaves CLUES. Follow!

We need guidance & training today more than ever before! We live in times where nobody is anybody’s. But, you MUST find a #mentor When you continue to do the right thing with a desire and receptiveness in your heart to improve–you’ll receive heavenly guidance.

These are times where we see around us marriages crumbling, relationships getting bitter, bankruptcy, joblessness and diseases on the swell. Why? How is it that our ancestors could make it happen but we cannot? I repeat, “Success leaves clues. FOLLOW!”. If you are finding yourself in a mess, follow the footsteps of those who have succeeded.

If I asked you, ‘Do you want to succeed?’, you would roar a YES. My follow up question, ‘Do you EXPECT to succeed?’ and your lips are sealed. What is it that you are doing RIGHT to expect success ? Expect success in order to succeed.

Readers, I appeal to you to not measure your success with the abundance in your bank account alone. If you are living healthy, with an assurance that NEVER AGAIN will money be a problem, with you continuing to have MORE goals and you have MADE a family–you ARE successful!

DON’T just be grateful be fearless to ASK for the fullness of your destiny. Then work to achieve it.

Wake up Expecting. This is Your day.

Wake up Expecting. This is Your day.

Life is like a suspense thriller movie–the end to which we all want to know but wish not to be told before it’s time. It spoils the fun, doesn’t it? You enjoy the expectancy. To be in the swing of unraveling events and thumping your fists when wrong and kicking your heels with a fist launch in the air when right.

What am I saying? Well, each day, when you wake up, you can expect to get the deal you’ve been working on, the job you’ve interviewed for, meeting the right person, the healing to start….

You might say, ‘Ruchi, but I’m not sure if it could happen. I’ve been suffering for years and don’t see myself cured; I’ve been rejected 30 times; my husband abandoned me;…’

I’d like you to expect anyhow! I’m not asking you to be positive I’m asking you to enhance the quality of your life. Go out there and continue to do the right thing! Expect that today is the day when you would be answered. Today is YOUR DAY!

Uncertainties is Life’s thriller plot for you to enjoy. Try not figuring it out. It’s not always about being positive. Just don’t be tired of doing the right thing. Enhance the quality of your life for it to unfold something worthy.

Your attitude is a change-maker.

Ok to be NOT ok

No! Why should we be OK when we’re NOT?

Let the world keep telling you about the Beauty there is to be OK with the problems, issues and heartbreaks you have had to go through, but, DON’T fall into the trap of believing it. Be hurt. Be sad. Be broken. Cry. Cry often if you may. Be ok to be not ok. Don’t give in for a concept that doesn’t heal but avoids.

Acknowledge(admit) and accept

We need acknowledgment/admittance for our pain from our own selves. Acknowledge the hurts, the pains, the loneliness, the misery, the sadness, the heartaches… everything, acknowledge everything that is NOT OK with you. Accept it. Don’t ignore it with beliefs that add on to your misery.

Certainty to say Yes

Be certain that, “YES, this is my problem and I’m not ok with it and that I’m sad. I’ll have to live with it for the time being, until I’m ok to go past it and then will I figure out a way that will help me bandage the pain, for it to heal. I’ll allow it to hurt. I’ll allow it to heal. I’ll allow it to take as much time as it needs. I’ll NOT ignore it.”

Why move on or ignore?

People immediately fall in the trap of ‘moving on’, the moment there’s something that’s making them uncomfortable or sad or is a reminder that that is the reason behind everything that is going wrong for them. This seems to be the most ideal way to deal with a problem. “Let’s not talk about it”, “It’s best avoided”, etc. are phrases we keep repeating to ourselves when we want to hear that, “I can sense how much it’s bothering you”, “This certainly is very difficult for you”, “These are very difficult times for you and you are trying hard to survive it”, etc.

Why can’t we just say, “Yes, I’m not ok with it”?

Ever imagined how much of a pain does such a concept add on to the one who’s single, but wants a companion, is struggling to accept the “I’ll date myself” ideology? What about all those who are stuck with daily fights to be able to just fit-in to the image ‘prescribed’ by society for looking admirable? These are the ones who are fighting a fight that is not their own, rather are fighting against their own very Self! They are unaware of the simplified solution of being first acknowledging, then accepting and then rectifying that that needs rectification. Instead, they undergo immense mental torture as they begin self-pity, self-criticism and self-loathing. So much for what?

Self-defeating fight

The cause behind self-rectification and self-betterment is then transformed into a fight that is with ones own self- a fight that is self-defeating. The saying, “My fight is with my own self”, seems to have been misinterpreted in ways that are horrifyingly devastating. This fight first targets all that is supposedly not ok with oneself and then in the name of modification and creation of the Better/Best Self ruins it, kills it and leaves no trace that could ever breathe back life into it. Was that needed? Couldn’t a mere correction with some love and care could have done the needful?

What to do?

Everyone and every problem is not the same. Even though we like to believe that it is, let’s face it that given a chance you would never exchange your problems with those of someone else’s. Then why can’t you just accept the fact that it’s ok to be not ok? Not in a self-defeating way or ignorant or arrogant a way, but more openly and honestly. When we are not ready to exchange our problems/troubles with those of the others, then aren’t we already made to accept it anyway? If we already possess the power to acknowledge, accept and then rectify our issues, then there’s no room for wanting to be ok with things we are not; we don’t have to be ignorant towards it; we don’t have to immediately cut it out of our system; we don’t have to abolish it’s very existence; we don’t have to stitch it up not allowing ourselves to experience the pain so as to appreciate the healing.

Being OK TO BE NOT OK is not being forever unmoved, un-evolved, unchangeable, non-flexible, unapproachable and dead towards growth or betterment. It’s about being considerate enough towards oneself so as to allow oneself the beneficial process of moving from acknowledgement(admittance) of the problem to accepting the problem and then working on it to rectify the problem.

The Search

I’d like you to wake up to the thought that there would be traits in your partner that you’d hate. Hate it. It’s OK to hate it.
Accept it. Be conscious about it. Don’t fight over it, rather live with it.

Perfection is a myth! Don’t hunt for a perfect partner. Look for one who fights with you and for you.

Don’t look for the one with whom you can only expect the best; be with the one with whom you can live the worst. The day you find the one with whom and against whom you’re ready to struggle, keep them close.

Search ends when this inner journey begins. 😇

Human

“You’re so fair”, she said
“I’m found in my dark shadows”
“You eject positive light”, she said
“I’ve grown out from the mundane negativity”
“You’re so inspirational”, she said
“I’ve had required modification”
“You’re so full of life”, she said
“I’ve seen the end of sunset”

“Why the negative replies?”, she asked
“I revealed the victory over struggles and not the cries”

I am not only in the brightness
I am also in the darkness.
I am not all about positivity
I am also about negativity.
I am not only in the highs
As I’ve had my sighs!

I am both and not one
It is for you to see the sum.

I am life.
I am death.
I am the creator.
I am the destroyer.
I am HUMAN.